The phone call..,

Right now at this very second I'm listening to the phone call that will change Captajn and I's life forever.  We are calling about a 41' sailboat. Our dream boat. Everything else is in place, the man just has to say yes to our offer. Tedious listening to men talk business. This boat is beautiful. I can see us raising our children on this boat. Sailing the world together for the rest of our lives. It would be beyond our wildest dreams to own this 41' Soverel Sailboat. 

Goodness the adventures we could have. The suspense is making my heart pump out of my chest right now!! Will we own out dream boat? Will our dream boat be here next month? Will we spend the rest of our time here making this boat our home? Will we sail away from America on this boat? Could this be it? Will he accept our offer? Will we step on board May 3rd for the first time and pay the man and own this boat? There is laughter, that's the good sign, mixed in wish business and boat problems.... 

This is the longest phone call of my life I must say. Has it been 4 hours or 10 minutes? 

I love my Captain.........

The Fear of Helping

My feel good deed for the day, gave a guy a ride to the library on my way home. Silly kid was wearing shorts in 30 degree weather! If you can't give money or feed the homeless, think smaller scale. Sometimes just giving someone a ride, even just a few blocks, will make their day better. In order to give this sort of help however, you have to learn to trust people, be cautious always, but trust that  doing good for people will make them want to be good right back to you. There is too much fear in this country. Fear makes us look down on and belittle people in need, making them that much more desperate and capable of doing something that is actually fear worthy to survive. In these hard days, that person who is struggling may have been just like you a few months ago. A lay off in a bad job market, eviction, car breaks down, what are you left with but the kindness of others to help you out of a sticky situation. 

Use common sense. Don't give a drunk homeless guy standing outside of a liquor store money, maybe give him some food and water instead. We're all struggling, the rich, the poor, the middle class..it's rough out there for everyone. You don't have to go broke to help people. At the very least, make someone laugh today. 

Happy.

I made a lot of mistakes the first time around. But this time everything feels so right.  All the hard stuff life throws at us seems so much easier than it ever was before. I'm really lucky. 

Red Hair and Dirty Fingernails

     Thinking about the freedom of being a civilian. I'm dying my hair today, but it's a solid brown/black color...safe. Within military standards. When I have the freedom to do with my body what I wish, my hair will be black with a solid streak of bright color in the front. I'm thinking red.  Funny how important silly things like this become when you're told you can't do them.  I will have 3 cartilage ear piercings on one ear so that I can wear pretty dangling ear jewelry. I will get more tattoos, but tastefully done of course; feminine. My dirty fingernails will always have some bright color chipping off of them.  I will wear what I want and say what I think no matter what. It's really interesting to think these are things I want. I feel in control of my life and body, but the honest truth is that I have to follow these rules about my appearance and personality both at work and outside of it.  The closer I get to the title 'civilian', the more I come to realize the freedoms I have been missing.

Waiting is Torture

      I'm tired of dreaming. I know what I want, and I want to be there. For the last eight years I have been surrounded by metal. Metal bunks, metal schoolhouses, metal ships and metal towers. By walking into the recruiting office at 17 years old, I was given a lifetime worth of amazing experiences I could never take for granted. I traveled the world, I met people from all walks of life, I helped people in ways I never could have imagined, and I learned more about the world than I ever could have in the little village I came from. I would do it all again. The honest truth though, is that this amazing opportunity had a dark side. As the years went on, the dark side showed itself more and more. Now, with 5 months and 11 days left until I take this uniform off for the very last time, all I can think about is the Dream. 

      When I was younger, I dreamed of only one thing; to get out of Medina, NY. The Navy gave me that. At 18 I lived in Sicily, at 22 I was in Haiti helping rebuild after a terrible earthquake, at 23 I was on my first shipboard deployment going to places I'd never heard of before and meeting friends I will have for the rest of my life. It was hard, lonely at times, but when you're young and have no idea what you want to do with your life besides what you're doing at the moment, you tend to ignore the bad. I am 25 now. I've been married and divorces, away from family for years at a time. I've learned who I don't want to be, but more importantly who I want to be. I have found a man I can love forever and through that love I have finally turned my little small town dream into something I can do for a living.
       Problem is, what I do for a living right now is to serve my country, and there is no way out of that until the date on my contract comes around. Now, don't get me wrong here, I recognize the fact that I volunteered myself for eight years. I wanted this, and I got it. I know there would be time spent away from family. I knew that it would not always be easy. What I didn't know was that dark side. I'm not going to get into all of that yet, as I am currently still serving and free thinking is not widely accepted in a military unit. 
      The Dream... 
      It consumes my love and I. We have talked about the where and when and how so many times that I can see it all in my mind so clearly. The sailboat, the ocean, traveling wherever, whenever, camping in the woods or on beaches around the world. Meeting people and learning new ways of life, helping people, being men and women of the Earth. 
      The dream is so close. If not for the contract we could leave tomorrow. We are ready to go. To begin being free. To not have to live under the laws and flaws of this broken society where happiness is measured by how much money is in your pockets. It will happen. We believe in it all too much to let it go. 
      Patience is a virtue, but waiting is becoming torture..
.*sigh* ...The Dream. 

-katydids